Medical Outrage

So I've been pretty sick for awhile. I was diagnosed with asthma back in October of 2011. I had been having breathing problems for awhile and finally got it looked at by the Dr. The week before Christmas I started having breathing difficulties and went to the Dr. to get relief. Every visit I would get steroid injections and breathing treatments to get relief. On top of the asthma the Dr. noticed my body was fighting an infection and diagnosed me with bronchitis on top of the asthma. I spent Christmas sick - difficulty breathing - which caused physical pain and lack of energy. I went to the Dr. the next week and again steroid shots and breathing treatments. The Dr. kept asking if I wanted to be admitted to the hospital and I kept saying no. It was our son's first Christmas - I was not about to spend it in the Hospital! Then I was sick still over New Year's weekend - again not a fun time. But both Christmas and New Year's I played hostess to my parents and cooked and decorated and tried very hard to make it a special time - even though I couldn't catch my breath! Finally on Friday January 6th I had enough and let the Dr. admit me to the local hospital. I was admitted around 6 p.m. and they started an IV and the Dr. on call came in to see me (less than 5 minutes) and then the night began. On Saturday and Sunday I was told I was seeing the Physician on call - which was in fact not a Dr. but a Physician Assistant. No tests - no nothing. On Monday I see a Rheumatologist (because my joints have been hurting due to inactivity) within 5 minutes he diagnoses me with Fibromyalgia and says I need to start taking an anti-depressant. How is that possible?? The Dr. on call comes in and agrees with the Rheumatologist. I came into the hospital because I couldn't breathe - but they didn't look at that. Then Gastroenterology comes in to make sure it's not gas -- that Dr. was actually pretty smart - he said it wasn't gas! Overnight, Monday into Tuesday my nurse was very rude and nasty to me. Then they had to change my IV and start a new one and ended up blowing two veins before finally getting a good one. During the pain of this I had an asthma attack and the nurse was yelling at me like I was causing this to happen to myself. I finally told her to stop yelling at me and that she was being very rude. At that point they prescribed Xanax and over the course of 4 days I had anywhere from 10 to 20 Xanax pills to "keep my anxiety down". I was so upset with the nurse that I wanted nothing more than an ambulance to come and get me and take me to another hospital. Finally on Tuesday I see a PA from Pulmonary and they say they are going to run more tests. On Wednesday I had a CT Scan of my lungs - a Bone Radiation Scan - blood lab tests and other tests. I had been on breathing treatments, IV antibiotics, and IV steroids this entire time. Also they were shooting me with insulin because the steroids are having effects on my blood sugar levels. On Wednesday I also was finally given a breathing exercise machine - and a peak flow reader to start taking numbers. On Thursday I finally have a lung function tests performed. The problem with this test is they kept making me redo the test to get the numbers they needed - how effective is this test if I'm redoing it to get specific numbers? Thursday night I'm told I'll finally get to go home - even though I haven't seen a Pulmonary Dr. again, or been given a diagnosis for what is causing the problem. So on Friday morning I woke up and couldn't get a deep breath and requested a breathing treatment. An hour later (during nurse change) I still had not had a breathing treatment and needed one bad. So I asked for another one. The nurse I got that day said that the request was already put in and she was becoming rather rude - I was not in the mood for a rude nurse. So I called the head nurse and finally got some relief. I also called for a Social Worker to come in so I could discuss my treatment at the hospital. She acted as though it was not her job to help me. So I said if she couldn't help me then she needed to send in patient advocacy or someone who could help me get better treatment. At that point I told her everything that had been happening during the week. How I was going to be discharged without seeing pulmonary or anyone really. It took that much to get some attention from a Dr. there. Finally pulmonary came in and told me that yes I had asthma and that I needed to follow up with them - which I told them that would not be happening - period. I will follow up with another pulmonary specialist. The entire week a Dr. or PA would come in alone and tell me crap - but on Friday every time a Dr. or a PA came in the room they brought a nurse with them - to cover their butts! The social worker did get me a nebulizer machine delivered to our house within a couple of hours of getting discharged. I was so relieved to get out of that hospital. Now not every nurse was bad - I have a list of the best nurses - the food was actually pretty good and the food people were always very nice. The room could have been cleaner - but that wasn't a main concern. The main concern was that the Dr. on my i.d. bracelet - well I NEVER met that Dr. The Dr. they sent in didn't know anything about medicine - if he did he couldn't relay that information to me, the patient. I believe that the Dr.'s working on my case should have sat down and discussed the situation with each other before they all came in one at a time and gave me a different diagnosis! I thought it was pretty bad that my PCM had to call and find out my status - because they weren't telling me anything at all!

I'm home now. Still having breathing problems - still having pain and the steroids have caused major weight gain and pain throughout my body. I'm physically exhausted. However, I'm glad to be home and not at the hospital. I'm doing the breathing exercises, the breathing treatments, and trying my hardest to get a little physical activity throughout the day. I believe that if I had been given better treatment at the hospital I would have been on the road to recovery much faster. As a patient I feel that I was cheated out of good healthcare. I will follow up in a couple of days with my PCM and a pulmonary Dr. I'm hoping they can get me on the road to getting this under control. I do not want to be a prisoner in my home.

The moral of this story is that you need to be very on top of your care when it comes to your health. Demand better treatment - that's what they are there for. Dr.'s work for you - you don't work for them. I have learned my lesson from that hospital - and I will NEVER go to that hospital again!

Here's to hoping I am on the road to recovery - and getting better everyday.

Family

So I post status updates on Facebook, I tweet stupid things on Twitter, I also post updates about my son on Myspace -- but finally one of these has created a family crisis! I posted a status update after reading a troubling article that actually got us kicked out of my husband's family! Can you believe that!?

Okay so perhaps I went a little too far in my opinion. This is what I stated:

ME: If the government is going to cut the defense budget - I've got the best plan - just get rid of the Air Force altogether - the Air Force is no longer needed!! Let the original forces handle the business - the Air Force is a waste of money!!

Husband's Step-Mom: Wow! My family and I take great offense to this. Sorry you feel that way. You have made a lot of stupid comments on FB in the past but this takes the cake. You are a fool for putting something like this on here.

So after the step-mom-in-law posted her response she unfriended my husband, my daughter, and me! Then my husband's father called him and told him that because I've made one too many stupid comments on Facebook, they no longer wanted anything to do with us! SERIOUSLY?!!

Okay, so in the woman's defense her daughter was former Air Force and the daughter's husband is an Air Force Officer. In my defense, she should have asked what I meant by the statement, before she overreacted in such a drastic way! I just meant that if we absorbed the Air Force back into the Army - turned it back into the Army Air Corps, we could save money in the defense budget and possibly stop these military people from using out of date equipment! For example, the Air Force budget is HUGE - but they do not do anything special that no other branch of the military cannot do! They are downsizing all the branches, so they could just force the Air Force and Army to co-exist. We could then close down 50% of the Army bases and 50% of the Air Force bases, and save more money. The Navy/Marines/Coast Guard all share some bases. So why can't the Air Force and Army? That's all I meant by the statement. The United States of America could survive WWIII without the Air Force, it's the truth. The Air Force has never won or lost a war for America.

Again, this is all my opinion, and I never assumed that my opinion would get us kicked out of the family! The saddest part is, they didn't just cut me out - which I would have understood - but they cut my husband (their son) out of their lives and their two grandchildren! How crazy is that?

This is not the first time they've cut us off. Again, that was my fault when that happened too; well my fault in the way that I said something and my father-in-law disagreed with the facts that I said. That comment made my father-in-law offer my husband $10,000 to leave me - and the promise that they would hire a lawyer that would take custody of my daughter from me! My husband stood by me. Three weeks later they hunted us down and apologized for how they treated me and asked me to forgive them. I did, for the sake of my husband. So I asked my husband what happens in three weeks if they call and beg us again? He said that they could call all they want, that we weren't going to let this one go.

My heart is breaking for my husband. I know how difficult it is to have a father that agrees with everything his wife says, instead of his child. And I understand what it's like to be written off by said father. The thing my husband doesn't have in common with me, is that his father is still alive. My father died before he could make things right with me. I do not know how my husband will feel if the same thing happens to him. But I will stand by him, and I will hold his hand. I have never loved a person as much as I love my husband. His loyalty to me has been unwavering and I couldn't have asked for more in a spouse. He truly loves me, and for that I'm grateful!

The ups and downs of Adoption

One of the best days of my life, March 24th, was also the start to one of the most stressful journey's of my life! My son was born that day. His birth mom gave him to me to be his forever mommy. I was so excited and happy and felt so amazing that day. Then the goodbye came - the day we left the hospital and the birth mom said goodbye to her biological son. Since that day it's been stressful -- the birth mom calls to check up on him, she texts, she Facebooked. It became so much drama around the entire situation. I heard so many negative things about her and found out she could lose custody of her first child. I also learned she is back with my son's biological father - a man I've been warned is a bad. The birth mom wants to marry this man - and that scares me. I feel like I could scream about all of the drama surrounding this happy moment in my life.

Then I come to the realization that when my son's birth mom gets her yearly visit with him, she will insist on her fiance, the birth father, to be there at the visit. However, I disagree with that. He had the chance to be a part of this process, to get the same updates, pictures, and visits, but he wanted nothing to do with any of it. He signed away all of his rights in this matter. Then I worry that I will be judged by my son one day for not doing enough. For not allowing his birth father the opportunity to meet him. Then other people tell me that I should not allow the visits - I should let my son make his own decision when he is grown.

I can withhold my son from his biological parents. Legally I have that right. I have the right to show that it would not be in the best interest of my son to get to know his biological parents. But that breaks my heart. I made promises to his birth mom and to my son. I promised my son that I would love him and make sure he knew how much he was loved by his biological family. I feel sad - depressed - confused - angry - I wish I just knew all the answers to this.

I think what we will have to do is meet with the birth mom and the birth father, without our son, and set up rules and boundaries. This way we know what will happen when they see our little boy for the first time. I want them to see our baby - to see how happy and healthy he is. To be proud of the decision to give him up. If I allow them the right to see him, then perhaps some of the drama will disappear in all of this. I just hope that I am smart enough to make the right decision and strong enough to stick with it. For the sake of my son, and his future questions, I hope we can all work together and learn to live without the drama.

I sould sue....

Maybe I Should Sue!

I should sue Eve for eating the freaking apple and causing womanhood to be so painful!

I should sue slim fast because I gained weight – those drinks make me hungry.

I should sue pregnancy and childbirth for giving me stretch marks and loose skin – oh and lots of pain!

I should sue Disney for always saying I’d get a Prince and live happily ever after – I got my Prince but my happily ever after isn’t always happy.

I should sue Hollywood because I’m not famous!

I should sue men for thinking my body doesn’t look good enough!

I should sue Victoria’s Secret because their lingerie doesn’t make me look like Heidi or Giselle!

I should sue Robert Redford for not dying in The Horse Whisperer and ruining a beautiful ending to a wonderful book!

I should sue Bill Clinton for making me look at cigars differently!

I should sue Serta ’cause the sheep didn’t show up!

I should sue the Navy for making deployments so long!

I should sue our ancestors for causing Global Warming!

I should sue Home Depot because I couldn’t do it and they didn’t help!

I should sue Wal-Mart because I spend too much money on nothing!

I should sue Anti-Wrinkle creams (all of them) because I see wrinkles when I smile!

I should sue Tom because he isn’t a good friend!

I should sue Father Time – ’cause he’s going to fast!

I should sue Kit for loving me so much – sometimes I don’t deserve it!

Maybe I should just wait until I am dead and let my estate (yeah right my estate) sue the Grim Reaper – ’cause he made me die!

Life is your own – you make the rules – set the limits and control it all! Stop letting greed and spite rule what you do! Just because it doesn’t go your way – doesn’t mean you weren’t in control of the situation – take responsibility for your choices and your life!

WAM!!

WAM = What A Month!!

March was amazing, scary, thrilling, dreamlike, and terrifying all at once. My son was born on March 24th and from the moment I laid eyes on him - he has been my new love! He is so perfect and amazing - that I spend a lot of time staring at him and just cuddling him.

His birth mother was so strong and brave - a true hero! She had complications through the delivery and that scared me for so many reasons. I was scared that she would not recover - I was scared that the added pain would make her change her mind - and I was scared that if something happened to her, her family wouldn't go through with the adoption. But she was fine, and is recovering - and she didn't change her mind. When she handed my son to me, I felt my heart melt instantly.

I stayed in the hospital with the birth mother and helped take care of her and my son for the duration of their hospital stay. I wouldn't change that for anything. It allowed me the chance to get to know the birth mother on a deeper level, and for her to see how much I will love her little baby.

My daughter is doing good with the transition - there are ups and downs of course. She has been an only child for over 12 years - so you can imagine. But she loves her little brother and she wants to take care of him and help me out with him.

My husband is in heaven. He finally has his son! I see true happiness when I look at him, holding our son. I am sure he cannot wait until our son is old enough to go fishing, riding a bike, or any other boy thing he can think of! :)

As for me - I haven't been this happy in many, many years. I would say at least 10 years. His birth and this adoption has completed my life! When I was told I could no longer have babies - a part of me was killed - but with his birth - that part came back to me. I couldn't love him more, even if I had given birth to him myself!

The Countdown

Wow - I can't believe there is actually less than five weeks until the baby is due to be born. I wake up some nights in a cold sweat wondering if today will be the day! I do not want the baby to be born early - trust me - but I am a realist and know that it is entirely possible! The birth mother is still positive about wanting us to adopt her baby - and that warms my heart more than anything. I hope she knows how very much I already adore and love this precious baby. I have washed all of the baby clothes that I have so far, set up the nursery, gotten the bag ready for the baby - so I can just grab it and go when it's time to head out.

I have so many expectations, so many dreams. Is it normal to be scared? To be afraid that once this young woman sees this beautiful baby, she'll say that she is sorry and that she is keeping the baby? I am terrified this might happen. People keep telling me it's a very real possibility - nothing I can do if she does. But it would rip my heart out if she chose to keep the baby. I know I will need to be strong, need to continue to be a mother and wife and be a productive member of my family, but it would be devastating, all the same. But I am staying optimistic - staying positive. This was meant to be, from the beginning! This baby was meant to be a part of our family, to be loved and cherished by so many people.

I guess this is all normal for an adoptive mother - the fear, the excitement, the thrill of motherhood again. I am so looking forward to the sleepless nights and the sweet, beautiful smiles from this precious baby. I still can't believe that I will be a mom to a newborn soon! :)

Being a Princess,,,,

I always related too closely to Snow White and Cinderella to have either be my favorite princess. I mean the evil step mother - wicked step sisters - the only thing I missed out on was the 7 Dwarfs - but I guess I could call my friends by those names. I always loved Sleeping Beauty when I was young. Come on, what wasn't to love? She had fairy godmothers - who loved and adored her - parents who would have given her the world - and a kingdom who thought she was the most important person! Now yes evil did strike her - but the fairy godmother's came to her rescue and instead of the evil killing her - it only made her sleep - and let's be honest we could all deal with more sleep - couldn't we? Then she is awakened by a handsome prince, who is her one true love - who has slain the evil and rescued her and they live happily ever after! How sweet! When I was a young teenager, Beauty and the Beast was released. WOW~ my all time favorite princess! Feisty, independent, intelligent, beautiful, loved by her father, and wasn't afraid of life. That's who I wanted to be - Belle! I loved when she found the castle and the "people" there! She wasn't afraid of anything - she viewed it as an adventure - a time to have fun. The only bad part to the entire movie was the fact that it taught little girls that you can tame beasts, and make bad men better - unless you figure into the fact that the Beast, underneath it all, was always a good man, and Gaston was always a bad man and would never have been changed - but that's putting too much thought into a Disney movie.

I guess you're wondering the point - there's not one really. I just started thinking about Princesses - and which one I would have wanted to portray. Sometimes I wish life had been a fairytale - then I would have known that the evil stepmother would have been punished - the evil stepsisters would have gotten what was coming to them - the father really would have truly loved the daughter - and the Prince - well I guess you could say that part of the story came true - because no matter how often my husband upsets me, leaves dirty clothes where they don't belong, falls asleep while we're watching a movie, or doesn't clean the kitchen properly - I know he loves me - and I know he would wrangle the moon and give it to me if I asked him. So I suppose I did get part of the happily ever after ending I was looking for!