Wow - I can't believe there is actually less than five weeks until the baby is due to be born. I wake up some nights in a cold sweat wondering if today will be the day! I do not want the baby to be born early - trust me - but I am a realist and know that it is entirely possible! The birth mother is still positive about wanting us to adopt her baby - and that warms my heart more than anything. I hope she knows how very much I already adore and love this precious baby. I have washed all of the baby clothes that I have so far, set up the nursery, gotten the bag ready for the baby - so I can just grab it and go when it's time to head out.
I have so many expectations, so many dreams. Is it normal to be scared? To be afraid that once this young woman sees this beautiful baby, she'll say that she is sorry and that she is keeping the baby? I am terrified this might happen. People keep telling me it's a very real possibility - nothing I can do if she does. But it would rip my heart out if she chose to keep the baby. I know I will need to be strong, need to continue to be a mother and wife and be a productive member of my family, but it would be devastating, all the same. But I am staying optimistic - staying positive. This was meant to be, from the beginning! This baby was meant to be a part of our family, to be loved and cherished by so many people.
I guess this is all normal for an adoptive mother - the fear, the excitement, the thrill of motherhood again. I am so looking forward to the sleepless nights and the sweet, beautiful smiles from this precious baby. I still can't believe that I will be a mom to a newborn soon! :)
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