On November 13, 1997 I found out that I was expecting my beautiful baby - Kaitlin. I was ecstatic. I always wanted to be a mom and knowing that I was going to be a mom was amazing. I know I was young - I had just turned 20. I had only been married for 11 months - but I knew that my husband and I were going to be together forever, and I didn't care - I wanted that baby terribly!
On November 10, 2003 I went into the Operating Room to have my uterus removed. It was like a part of me died that day. I had known since 1999/2000 that I would not be able to give birth to another baby - but having the surgery, to remove that part of me, made me feel defective. I was 26 years old - just turned 26 - and I was no longer a woman (in my eyes). I stared at my baby girl, then 5 years old (not so much a baby) and cried and cried. I knew that I would never be able to give her a baby brother or baby sister to enjoy her childhood with. My husband told me that he didn't care that I could no longer have children. He told me that he loved me, which was all that was important. But I wondered if he would leave me, he was only 27, and he wasn't going to be a father again, not with me. In my mind I told myself that he could be a father again, if he left me. But he has stuck by me, loved me, and has been content with just having our daughter.
Now it's 2010 - and my best friend (the same person who introduced me to my husband) called me to tell me that she knew a young lady that was pregnant. This young woman already has a child and now is pregnant with a child that she is considering giving up for adoption. My best friend, my sister in many ways, told this young woman all about my family, and how we would love to raise another baby together, that we would love the baby and be good parents to the baby. First thing my best friend said - "Don't get your hopes up!" Too LATE!
Whether this young woman feels it in her heart to give me her precious baby, or not, I will still want a baby. I crave a baby, that's the only word that I can use to describe the feeling I have, a craving. I see my neighbors and their newborn babies, and toddlers, and I yearn for that feeling of being needed again. I was in Wal-Mart tonight and I walked through the baby section. I couldn't help myself; the baby aisle was calling my name! I would love to be a mommy again - as much as my now 12 year old baby wants to be my baby forever, she's not a baby. She's learning how to cook, turning into a woman, and growing up faster than I can keep up.
I wonder why adoptions are so difficult. Why can't babies that are unwanted be given to good families, without a lot of hassle? I agree with the background check, the home visits, the need to make sure the parents will be good and safe for the baby. But after that, why should it still be so difficult? I would give anything to have a baby in my arms, one I didn't have to give back at the end of the day.
I know what some people are thinking; some have even said it loudly to me. You're almost done; Kaitlin will graduate from high school in 5 years! Which made me think, if I am lucky enough to adopt a baby, that baby will be starting Kindergarten the same year Kaitlin heads off to college! Craziness - right?? But I would not say no if a mom wanted me to love and take care of her baby, and raise that baby like he or she was my own flesh and blood.
Maybe I will get lucky, my hopes are already up, but even if it doesn't happen, this time....at least I have friends and family, who understand my need and yearning, for another child, enough to offer me as a mother to a young woman who is considering giving her baby up. That means the world to me. All the same - I'll keep my fingers crossed!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Politics As Usual?
Today I learned that charges against ABD AL-RAHIM AL-NASHIRI have stalled in the military and federal court systems. Abd Al-Rahim Al-Nashiri is the "alleged" master-mind behind the suicide bombing of the USS COLE in Yemen on October 12, 2000. That's right - October 12, 2000 - almost 10 years ago! This was not the first attack on America - but it is now considered a warning shot for the actions taken on September 11, 2001 (not one full year later, in New York, NY; Washington, D.C.; and a field in PA).
Al-Nashiri hasn't even been CHARGED with anything - even though they have fingerprints and receipts that prove his involvement in the bombing!!
This is the 3rd President since the bombing occurred. This attack occurred under President Bill Clinton. It has been stated that he didn't want to act harshly against the attack because it was an Election Year and he wanted his Vice President Al Gore to have a shot at the White House! Al Gore LOST! So George W. Bush became the President - and I will give him the benefit of the doubt when it comes to this case. He was sworn into office in January 2001, and the entire world changed on September 11, 2001 - we entered a war in Afghanistan within months of the attack on 9/11 - and entered a war in Iraq in March 2003. So he had his hands full. Then the election of 2008 came around and a democrat was elected to fill the office of the President - President Barrack Obama - his Attorney General, Eric Holder, has basically stalled all military tribunals against the "alleged" master-minds of not only the USS Cole but also of the 9/11 attacks!
Is this just politics as usual? What is going on? Why is it that President Obama finds it necessary to go to foreign countries and apologize for "America's Behavior". This is an awesome country! This is a country founded on freedoms that most countries could never imagine! We allow people from all races and countries to come to America and continue to practice their religions and ways of life. Many other countries will NEVER allow that to happen in their lands. In many Middle Eastern countries I wouldn't be allowed to write this blog, go shopping by myself, or show my face in public! This is CRAZY (totally my opinion)!
I am not a person who believes that all Muslims want to kill all Americans. Or that Muslims want to take over America and bring forth Sharia Law (scary stuff). However, I do think that too many changes are being made in our country to cow down to the Muslim people. I shouldn't have my rights, as an American, infringed upon for a Muslim! This is not a Muslim country - this is AMERICA! We should have already filed charges against every person, we have in custody, associated with the attacks on the USS Cole and 9/11. But that hasn't happened. I'm disappointed in our country - in our judicial system - in the American's who are not as upset about this as I am. This Administration has bowed to a King, proclaimed Christianity to be dead in America, and has asked for forgiveness for the behavior of America. I do not think we should be looking at the politics behind what it means to charge these individuals - but at what it states against us if we do not! We need to not just press charges against these people, but we need to put them on Military Tribunal - these people were not found in America - they were found by Military missions - a Military Tribunal is the only way to go. To say otherwise is stating that the military is not smart enough to carry out a fair trial! I hope this is not what our President thinks about our men and women in uniform!
Al-Nashiri hasn't even been CHARGED with anything - even though they have fingerprints and receipts that prove his involvement in the bombing!!
This is the 3rd President since the bombing occurred. This attack occurred under President Bill Clinton. It has been stated that he didn't want to act harshly against the attack because it was an Election Year and he wanted his Vice President Al Gore to have a shot at the White House! Al Gore LOST! So George W. Bush became the President - and I will give him the benefit of the doubt when it comes to this case. He was sworn into office in January 2001, and the entire world changed on September 11, 2001 - we entered a war in Afghanistan within months of the attack on 9/11 - and entered a war in Iraq in March 2003. So he had his hands full. Then the election of 2008 came around and a democrat was elected to fill the office of the President - President Barrack Obama - his Attorney General, Eric Holder, has basically stalled all military tribunals against the "alleged" master-minds of not only the USS Cole but also of the 9/11 attacks!
Is this just politics as usual? What is going on? Why is it that President Obama finds it necessary to go to foreign countries and apologize for "America's Behavior". This is an awesome country! This is a country founded on freedoms that most countries could never imagine! We allow people from all races and countries to come to America and continue to practice their religions and ways of life. Many other countries will NEVER allow that to happen in their lands. In many Middle Eastern countries I wouldn't be allowed to write this blog, go shopping by myself, or show my face in public! This is CRAZY (totally my opinion)!
I am not a person who believes that all Muslims want to kill all Americans. Or that Muslims want to take over America and bring forth Sharia Law (scary stuff). However, I do think that too many changes are being made in our country to cow down to the Muslim people. I shouldn't have my rights, as an American, infringed upon for a Muslim! This is not a Muslim country - this is AMERICA! We should have already filed charges against every person, we have in custody, associated with the attacks on the USS Cole and 9/11. But that hasn't happened. I'm disappointed in our country - in our judicial system - in the American's who are not as upset about this as I am. This Administration has bowed to a King, proclaimed Christianity to be dead in America, and has asked for forgiveness for the behavior of America. I do not think we should be looking at the politics behind what it means to charge these individuals - but at what it states against us if we do not! We need to not just press charges against these people, but we need to put them on Military Tribunal - these people were not found in America - they were found by Military missions - a Military Tribunal is the only way to go. To say otherwise is stating that the military is not smart enough to carry out a fair trial! I hope this is not what our President thinks about our men and women in uniform!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
It's been awhile
Hi there~
It's been awhile since I last "blogged" on here. I suppose I just got busy - life gets that way sometimes. Let's see how was the summer?
June - nothing memorable to report about this month - except the fact that my wonderful husband turned 34 years old on the 30th (he's getting old!!) :) Kaitlin finished up school the first couple of weeks of June and we've sat around the house and she has visited her grandparents in Daytona Beach. So nothing too great.
July - We spent July 3- July 10 on the Carnival Dream!! It was amazing! We stopped in Nassau, Bahamas; St. Thomas, USVI; and St. Maarten, visiting both the Dutch and French sides of this island (I prefer the beauty and politeness of the Dutch side). Kaitlin actually celebrated her 12th birthday while out to sea! She thought it as amazing. We spent the week with my mom - which at times was difficult to do. But overall the cruise was amazing and we saw things that we may never have seen in our lives, otherwise - and the food was AMAZING!! The rest of July was spent doing yard work, cleaning the house, watching movies, reading books - nothing as great as the cruise! At this point my husband as been gone since the first week of April and missing him hasn't gotten easier!
August - which brings us to the month that we're in (which is actually ending in a few days). August brought another month of my husband's deployment; a meltdown with the neighbors (a select few)which I could care less about (act your age people); and Kaitlin starting 7th grade!
Now that August is almost over and the count-up (142 days since he left) has turned into the countdown (can't post that on the internet) - I am happy to say that I have survived another 6 month deployment - stronger and more independent than ever before! Of course - let's see if I still feel that way next month when I'm still counting down the days and time has slowed to a standstill!
It's been awhile since I last "blogged" on here. I suppose I just got busy - life gets that way sometimes. Let's see how was the summer?
June - nothing memorable to report about this month - except the fact that my wonderful husband turned 34 years old on the 30th (he's getting old!!) :) Kaitlin finished up school the first couple of weeks of June and we've sat around the house and she has visited her grandparents in Daytona Beach. So nothing too great.
July - We spent July 3- July 10 on the Carnival Dream!! It was amazing! We stopped in Nassau, Bahamas; St. Thomas, USVI; and St. Maarten, visiting both the Dutch and French sides of this island (I prefer the beauty and politeness of the Dutch side). Kaitlin actually celebrated her 12th birthday while out to sea! She thought it as amazing. We spent the week with my mom - which at times was difficult to do. But overall the cruise was amazing and we saw things that we may never have seen in our lives, otherwise - and the food was AMAZING!! The rest of July was spent doing yard work, cleaning the house, watching movies, reading books - nothing as great as the cruise! At this point my husband as been gone since the first week of April and missing him hasn't gotten easier!
August - which brings us to the month that we're in (which is actually ending in a few days). August brought another month of my husband's deployment; a meltdown with the neighbors (a select few)which I could care less about (act your age people); and Kaitlin starting 7th grade!
Now that August is almost over and the count-up (142 days since he left) has turned into the countdown (can't post that on the internet) - I am happy to say that I have survived another 6 month deployment - stronger and more independent than ever before! Of course - let's see if I still feel that way next month when I'm still counting down the days and time has slowed to a standstill!
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