So I've been pretty sick for awhile. I was diagnosed with asthma back in October of 2011. I had been having breathing problems for awhile and finally got it looked at by the Dr. The week before Christmas I started having breathing difficulties and went to the Dr. to get relief. Every visit I would get steroid injections and breathing treatments to get relief. On top of the asthma the Dr. noticed my body was fighting an infection and diagnosed me with bronchitis on top of the asthma. I spent Christmas sick - difficulty breathing - which caused physical pain and lack of energy. I went to the Dr. the next week and again steroid shots and breathing treatments. The Dr. kept asking if I wanted to be admitted to the hospital and I kept saying no. It was our son's first Christmas - I was not about to spend it in the Hospital! Then I was sick still over New Year's weekend - again not a fun time. But both Christmas and New Year's I played hostess to my parents and cooked and decorated and tried very hard to make it a special time - even though I couldn't catch my breath! Finally on Friday January 6th I had enough and let the Dr. admit me to the local hospital. I was admitted around 6 p.m. and they started an IV and the Dr. on call came in to see me (less than 5 minutes) and then the night began. On Saturday and Sunday I was told I was seeing the Physician on call - which was in fact not a Dr. but a Physician Assistant. No tests - no nothing. On Monday I see a Rheumatologist (because my joints have been hurting due to inactivity) within 5 minutes he diagnoses me with Fibromyalgia and says I need to start taking an anti-depressant. How is that possible?? The Dr. on call comes in and agrees with the Rheumatologist. I came into the hospital because I couldn't breathe - but they didn't look at that. Then Gastroenterology comes in to make sure it's not gas -- that Dr. was actually pretty smart - he said it wasn't gas! Overnight, Monday into Tuesday my nurse was very rude and nasty to me. Then they had to change my IV and start a new one and ended up blowing two veins before finally getting a good one. During the pain of this I had an asthma attack and the nurse was yelling at me like I was causing this to happen to myself. I finally told her to stop yelling at me and that she was being very rude. At that point they prescribed Xanax and over the course of 4 days I had anywhere from 10 to 20 Xanax pills to "keep my anxiety down". I was so upset with the nurse that I wanted nothing more than an ambulance to come and get me and take me to another hospital. Finally on Tuesday I see a PA from Pulmonary and they say they are going to run more tests. On Wednesday I had a CT Scan of my lungs - a Bone Radiation Scan - blood lab tests and other tests. I had been on breathing treatments, IV antibiotics, and IV steroids this entire time. Also they were shooting me with insulin because the steroids are having effects on my blood sugar levels. On Wednesday I also was finally given a breathing exercise machine - and a peak flow reader to start taking numbers. On Thursday I finally have a lung function tests performed. The problem with this test is they kept making me redo the test to get the numbers they needed - how effective is this test if I'm redoing it to get specific numbers? Thursday night I'm told I'll finally get to go home - even though I haven't seen a Pulmonary Dr. again, or been given a diagnosis for what is causing the problem. So on Friday morning I woke up and couldn't get a deep breath and requested a breathing treatment. An hour later (during nurse change) I still had not had a breathing treatment and needed one bad. So I asked for another one. The nurse I got that day said that the request was already put in and she was becoming rather rude - I was not in the mood for a rude nurse. So I called the head nurse and finally got some relief. I also called for a Social Worker to come in so I could discuss my treatment at the hospital. She acted as though it was not her job to help me. So I said if she couldn't help me then she needed to send in patient advocacy or someone who could help me get better treatment. At that point I told her everything that had been happening during the week. How I was going to be discharged without seeing pulmonary or anyone really. It took that much to get some attention from a Dr. there. Finally pulmonary came in and told me that yes I had asthma and that I needed to follow up with them - which I told them that would not be happening - period. I will follow up with another pulmonary specialist. The entire week a Dr. or PA would come in alone and tell me crap - but on Friday every time a Dr. or a PA came in the room they brought a nurse with them - to cover their butts! The social worker did get me a nebulizer machine delivered to our house within a couple of hours of getting discharged. I was so relieved to get out of that hospital. Now not every nurse was bad - I have a list of the best nurses - the food was actually pretty good and the food people were always very nice. The room could have been cleaner - but that wasn't a main concern. The main concern was that the Dr. on my i.d. bracelet - well I NEVER met that Dr. The Dr. they sent in didn't know anything about medicine - if he did he couldn't relay that information to me, the patient. I believe that the Dr.'s working on my case should have sat down and discussed the situation with each other before they all came in one at a time and gave me a different diagnosis! I thought it was pretty bad that my PCM had to call and find out my status - because they weren't telling me anything at all!
I'm home now. Still having breathing problems - still having pain and the steroids have caused major weight gain and pain throughout my body. I'm physically exhausted. However, I'm glad to be home and not at the hospital. I'm doing the breathing exercises, the breathing treatments, and trying my hardest to get a little physical activity throughout the day. I believe that if I had been given better treatment at the hospital I would have been on the road to recovery much faster. As a patient I feel that I was cheated out of good healthcare. I will follow up in a couple of days with my PCM and a pulmonary Dr. I'm hoping they can get me on the road to getting this under control. I do not want to be a prisoner in my home.
The moral of this story is that you need to be very on top of your care when it comes to your health. Demand better treatment - that's what they are there for. Dr.'s work for you - you don't work for them. I have learned my lesson from that hospital - and I will NEVER go to that hospital again!
Here's to hoping I am on the road to recovery - and getting better everyday.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Family
So I post status updates on Facebook, I tweet stupid things on Twitter, I also post updates about my son on Myspace -- but finally one of these has created a family crisis! I posted a status update after reading a troubling article that actually got us kicked out of my husband's family! Can you believe that!?
Okay so perhaps I went a little too far in my opinion. This is what I stated:
ME: If the government is going to cut the defense budget - I've got the best plan - just get rid of the Air Force altogether - the Air Force is no longer needed!! Let the original forces handle the business - the Air Force is a waste of money!!
Husband's Step-Mom: Wow! My family and I take great offense to this. Sorry you feel that way. You have made a lot of stupid comments on FB in the past but this takes the cake. You are a fool for putting something like this on here.
So after the step-mom-in-law posted her response she unfriended my husband, my daughter, and me! Then my husband's father called him and told him that because I've made one too many stupid comments on Facebook, they no longer wanted anything to do with us! SERIOUSLY?!!
Okay, so in the woman's defense her daughter was former Air Force and the daughter's husband is an Air Force Officer. In my defense, she should have asked what I meant by the statement, before she overreacted in such a drastic way! I just meant that if we absorbed the Air Force back into the Army - turned it back into the Army Air Corps, we could save money in the defense budget and possibly stop these military people from using out of date equipment! For example, the Air Force budget is HUGE - but they do not do anything special that no other branch of the military cannot do! They are downsizing all the branches, so they could just force the Air Force and Army to co-exist. We could then close down 50% of the Army bases and 50% of the Air Force bases, and save more money. The Navy/Marines/Coast Guard all share some bases. So why can't the Air Force and Army? That's all I meant by the statement. The United States of America could survive WWIII without the Air Force, it's the truth. The Air Force has never won or lost a war for America.
Again, this is all my opinion, and I never assumed that my opinion would get us kicked out of the family! The saddest part is, they didn't just cut me out - which I would have understood - but they cut my husband (their son) out of their lives and their two grandchildren! How crazy is that?
This is not the first time they've cut us off. Again, that was my fault when that happened too; well my fault in the way that I said something and my father-in-law disagreed with the facts that I said. That comment made my father-in-law offer my husband $10,000 to leave me - and the promise that they would hire a lawyer that would take custody of my daughter from me! My husband stood by me. Three weeks later they hunted us down and apologized for how they treated me and asked me to forgive them. I did, for the sake of my husband. So I asked my husband what happens in three weeks if they call and beg us again? He said that they could call all they want, that we weren't going to let this one go.
My heart is breaking for my husband. I know how difficult it is to have a father that agrees with everything his wife says, instead of his child. And I understand what it's like to be written off by said father. The thing my husband doesn't have in common with me, is that his father is still alive. My father died before he could make things right with me. I do not know how my husband will feel if the same thing happens to him. But I will stand by him, and I will hold his hand. I have never loved a person as much as I love my husband. His loyalty to me has been unwavering and I couldn't have asked for more in a spouse. He truly loves me, and for that I'm grateful!
Okay so perhaps I went a little too far in my opinion. This is what I stated:
ME: If the government is going to cut the defense budget - I've got the best plan - just get rid of the Air Force altogether - the Air Force is no longer needed!! Let the original forces handle the business - the Air Force is a waste of money!!
Husband's Step-Mom: Wow! My family and I take great offense to this. Sorry you feel that way. You have made a lot of stupid comments on FB in the past but this takes the cake. You are a fool for putting something like this on here.
So after the step-mom-in-law posted her response she unfriended my husband, my daughter, and me! Then my husband's father called him and told him that because I've made one too many stupid comments on Facebook, they no longer wanted anything to do with us! SERIOUSLY?!!
Okay, so in the woman's defense her daughter was former Air Force and the daughter's husband is an Air Force Officer. In my defense, she should have asked what I meant by the statement, before she overreacted in such a drastic way! I just meant that if we absorbed the Air Force back into the Army - turned it back into the Army Air Corps, we could save money in the defense budget and possibly stop these military people from using out of date equipment! For example, the Air Force budget is HUGE - but they do not do anything special that no other branch of the military cannot do! They are downsizing all the branches, so they could just force the Air Force and Army to co-exist. We could then close down 50% of the Army bases and 50% of the Air Force bases, and save more money. The Navy/Marines/Coast Guard all share some bases. So why can't the Air Force and Army? That's all I meant by the statement. The United States of America could survive WWIII without the Air Force, it's the truth. The Air Force has never won or lost a war for America.
Again, this is all my opinion, and I never assumed that my opinion would get us kicked out of the family! The saddest part is, they didn't just cut me out - which I would have understood - but they cut my husband (their son) out of their lives and their two grandchildren! How crazy is that?
This is not the first time they've cut us off. Again, that was my fault when that happened too; well my fault in the way that I said something and my father-in-law disagreed with the facts that I said. That comment made my father-in-law offer my husband $10,000 to leave me - and the promise that they would hire a lawyer that would take custody of my daughter from me! My husband stood by me. Three weeks later they hunted us down and apologized for how they treated me and asked me to forgive them. I did, for the sake of my husband. So I asked my husband what happens in three weeks if they call and beg us again? He said that they could call all they want, that we weren't going to let this one go.
My heart is breaking for my husband. I know how difficult it is to have a father that agrees with everything his wife says, instead of his child. And I understand what it's like to be written off by said father. The thing my husband doesn't have in common with me, is that his father is still alive. My father died before he could make things right with me. I do not know how my husband will feel if the same thing happens to him. But I will stand by him, and I will hold his hand. I have never loved a person as much as I love my husband. His loyalty to me has been unwavering and I couldn't have asked for more in a spouse. He truly loves me, and for that I'm grateful!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The ups and downs of Adoption
One of the best days of my life, March 24th, was also the start to one of the most stressful journey's of my life! My son was born that day. His birth mom gave him to me to be his forever mommy. I was so excited and happy and felt so amazing that day. Then the goodbye came - the day we left the hospital and the birth mom said goodbye to her biological son. Since that day it's been stressful -- the birth mom calls to check up on him, she texts, she Facebooked. It became so much drama around the entire situation. I heard so many negative things about her and found out she could lose custody of her first child. I also learned she is back with my son's biological father - a man I've been warned is a bad. The birth mom wants to marry this man - and that scares me. I feel like I could scream about all of the drama surrounding this happy moment in my life.
Then I come to the realization that when my son's birth mom gets her yearly visit with him, she will insist on her fiance, the birth father, to be there at the visit. However, I disagree with that. He had the chance to be a part of this process, to get the same updates, pictures, and visits, but he wanted nothing to do with any of it. He signed away all of his rights in this matter. Then I worry that I will be judged by my son one day for not doing enough. For not allowing his birth father the opportunity to meet him. Then other people tell me that I should not allow the visits - I should let my son make his own decision when he is grown.
I can withhold my son from his biological parents. Legally I have that right. I have the right to show that it would not be in the best interest of my son to get to know his biological parents. But that breaks my heart. I made promises to his birth mom and to my son. I promised my son that I would love him and make sure he knew how much he was loved by his biological family. I feel sad - depressed - confused - angry - I wish I just knew all the answers to this.
I think what we will have to do is meet with the birth mom and the birth father, without our son, and set up rules and boundaries. This way we know what will happen when they see our little boy for the first time. I want them to see our baby - to see how happy and healthy he is. To be proud of the decision to give him up. If I allow them the right to see him, then perhaps some of the drama will disappear in all of this. I just hope that I am smart enough to make the right decision and strong enough to stick with it. For the sake of my son, and his future questions, I hope we can all work together and learn to live without the drama.
Then I come to the realization that when my son's birth mom gets her yearly visit with him, she will insist on her fiance, the birth father, to be there at the visit. However, I disagree with that. He had the chance to be a part of this process, to get the same updates, pictures, and visits, but he wanted nothing to do with any of it. He signed away all of his rights in this matter. Then I worry that I will be judged by my son one day for not doing enough. For not allowing his birth father the opportunity to meet him. Then other people tell me that I should not allow the visits - I should let my son make his own decision when he is grown.
I can withhold my son from his biological parents. Legally I have that right. I have the right to show that it would not be in the best interest of my son to get to know his biological parents. But that breaks my heart. I made promises to his birth mom and to my son. I promised my son that I would love him and make sure he knew how much he was loved by his biological family. I feel sad - depressed - confused - angry - I wish I just knew all the answers to this.
I think what we will have to do is meet with the birth mom and the birth father, without our son, and set up rules and boundaries. This way we know what will happen when they see our little boy for the first time. I want them to see our baby - to see how happy and healthy he is. To be proud of the decision to give him up. If I allow them the right to see him, then perhaps some of the drama will disappear in all of this. I just hope that I am smart enough to make the right decision and strong enough to stick with it. For the sake of my son, and his future questions, I hope we can all work together and learn to live without the drama.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
I sould sue....
Maybe I Should Sue!
I should sue Eve for eating the freaking apple and causing womanhood to be so painful!
I should sue slim fast because I gained weight – those drinks make me hungry.
I should sue pregnancy and childbirth for giving me stretch marks and loose skin – oh and lots of pain!
I should sue Disney for always saying I’d get a Prince and live happily ever after – I got my Prince but my happily ever after isn’t always happy.
I should sue Hollywood because I’m not famous!
I should sue men for thinking my body doesn’t look good enough!
I should sue Victoria’s Secret because their lingerie doesn’t make me look like Heidi or Giselle!
I should sue Robert Redford for not dying in The Horse Whisperer and ruining a beautiful ending to a wonderful book!
I should sue Bill Clinton for making me look at cigars differently!
I should sue Serta ’cause the sheep didn’t show up!
I should sue the Navy for making deployments so long!
I should sue our ancestors for causing Global Warming!
I should sue Home Depot because I couldn’t do it and they didn’t help!
I should sue Wal-Mart because I spend too much money on nothing!
I should sue Anti-Wrinkle creams (all of them) because I see wrinkles when I smile!
I should sue Tom because he isn’t a good friend!
I should sue Father Time – ’cause he’s going to fast!
I should sue Kit for loving me so much – sometimes I don’t deserve it!
Maybe I should just wait until I am dead and let my estate (yeah right my estate) sue the Grim Reaper – ’cause he made me die!
Life is your own – you make the rules – set the limits and control it all! Stop letting greed and spite rule what you do! Just because it doesn’t go your way – doesn’t mean you weren’t in control of the situation – take responsibility for your choices and your life!
I should sue Eve for eating the freaking apple and causing womanhood to be so painful!
I should sue slim fast because I gained weight – those drinks make me hungry.
I should sue pregnancy and childbirth for giving me stretch marks and loose skin – oh and lots of pain!
I should sue Disney for always saying I’d get a Prince and live happily ever after – I got my Prince but my happily ever after isn’t always happy.
I should sue Hollywood because I’m not famous!
I should sue men for thinking my body doesn’t look good enough!
I should sue Victoria’s Secret because their lingerie doesn’t make me look like Heidi or Giselle!
I should sue Robert Redford for not dying in The Horse Whisperer and ruining a beautiful ending to a wonderful book!
I should sue Bill Clinton for making me look at cigars differently!
I should sue Serta ’cause the sheep didn’t show up!
I should sue the Navy for making deployments so long!
I should sue our ancestors for causing Global Warming!
I should sue Home Depot because I couldn’t do it and they didn’t help!
I should sue Wal-Mart because I spend too much money on nothing!
I should sue Anti-Wrinkle creams (all of them) because I see wrinkles when I smile!
I should sue Tom because he isn’t a good friend!
I should sue Father Time – ’cause he’s going to fast!
I should sue Kit for loving me so much – sometimes I don’t deserve it!
Maybe I should just wait until I am dead and let my estate (yeah right my estate) sue the Grim Reaper – ’cause he made me die!
Life is your own – you make the rules – set the limits and control it all! Stop letting greed and spite rule what you do! Just because it doesn’t go your way – doesn’t mean you weren’t in control of the situation – take responsibility for your choices and your life!
Monday, April 11, 2011
WAM!!
WAM = What A Month!!
March was amazing, scary, thrilling, dreamlike, and terrifying all at once. My son was born on March 24th and from the moment I laid eyes on him - he has been my new love! He is so perfect and amazing - that I spend a lot of time staring at him and just cuddling him.
His birth mother was so strong and brave - a true hero! She had complications through the delivery and that scared me for so many reasons. I was scared that she would not recover - I was scared that the added pain would make her change her mind - and I was scared that if something happened to her, her family wouldn't go through with the adoption. But she was fine, and is recovering - and she didn't change her mind. When she handed my son to me, I felt my heart melt instantly.
I stayed in the hospital with the birth mother and helped take care of her and my son for the duration of their hospital stay. I wouldn't change that for anything. It allowed me the chance to get to know the birth mother on a deeper level, and for her to see how much I will love her little baby.
My daughter is doing good with the transition - there are ups and downs of course. She has been an only child for over 12 years - so you can imagine. But she loves her little brother and she wants to take care of him and help me out with him.
My husband is in heaven. He finally has his son! I see true happiness when I look at him, holding our son. I am sure he cannot wait until our son is old enough to go fishing, riding a bike, or any other boy thing he can think of! :)
As for me - I haven't been this happy in many, many years. I would say at least 10 years. His birth and this adoption has completed my life! When I was told I could no longer have babies - a part of me was killed - but with his birth - that part came back to me. I couldn't love him more, even if I had given birth to him myself!
March was amazing, scary, thrilling, dreamlike, and terrifying all at once. My son was born on March 24th and from the moment I laid eyes on him - he has been my new love! He is so perfect and amazing - that I spend a lot of time staring at him and just cuddling him.
His birth mother was so strong and brave - a true hero! She had complications through the delivery and that scared me for so many reasons. I was scared that she would not recover - I was scared that the added pain would make her change her mind - and I was scared that if something happened to her, her family wouldn't go through with the adoption. But she was fine, and is recovering - and she didn't change her mind. When she handed my son to me, I felt my heart melt instantly.
I stayed in the hospital with the birth mother and helped take care of her and my son for the duration of their hospital stay. I wouldn't change that for anything. It allowed me the chance to get to know the birth mother on a deeper level, and for her to see how much I will love her little baby.
My daughter is doing good with the transition - there are ups and downs of course. She has been an only child for over 12 years - so you can imagine. But she loves her little brother and she wants to take care of him and help me out with him.
My husband is in heaven. He finally has his son! I see true happiness when I look at him, holding our son. I am sure he cannot wait until our son is old enough to go fishing, riding a bike, or any other boy thing he can think of! :)
As for me - I haven't been this happy in many, many years. I would say at least 10 years. His birth and this adoption has completed my life! When I was told I could no longer have babies - a part of me was killed - but with his birth - that part came back to me. I couldn't love him more, even if I had given birth to him myself!
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Countdown
Wow - I can't believe there is actually less than five weeks until the baby is due to be born. I wake up some nights in a cold sweat wondering if today will be the day! I do not want the baby to be born early - trust me - but I am a realist and know that it is entirely possible! The birth mother is still positive about wanting us to adopt her baby - and that warms my heart more than anything. I hope she knows how very much I already adore and love this precious baby. I have washed all of the baby clothes that I have so far, set up the nursery, gotten the bag ready for the baby - so I can just grab it and go when it's time to head out.
I have so many expectations, so many dreams. Is it normal to be scared? To be afraid that once this young woman sees this beautiful baby, she'll say that she is sorry and that she is keeping the baby? I am terrified this might happen. People keep telling me it's a very real possibility - nothing I can do if she does. But it would rip my heart out if she chose to keep the baby. I know I will need to be strong, need to continue to be a mother and wife and be a productive member of my family, but it would be devastating, all the same. But I am staying optimistic - staying positive. This was meant to be, from the beginning! This baby was meant to be a part of our family, to be loved and cherished by so many people.
I guess this is all normal for an adoptive mother - the fear, the excitement, the thrill of motherhood again. I am so looking forward to the sleepless nights and the sweet, beautiful smiles from this precious baby. I still can't believe that I will be a mom to a newborn soon! :)
I have so many expectations, so many dreams. Is it normal to be scared? To be afraid that once this young woman sees this beautiful baby, she'll say that she is sorry and that she is keeping the baby? I am terrified this might happen. People keep telling me it's a very real possibility - nothing I can do if she does. But it would rip my heart out if she chose to keep the baby. I know I will need to be strong, need to continue to be a mother and wife and be a productive member of my family, but it would be devastating, all the same. But I am staying optimistic - staying positive. This was meant to be, from the beginning! This baby was meant to be a part of our family, to be loved and cherished by so many people.
I guess this is all normal for an adoptive mother - the fear, the excitement, the thrill of motherhood again. I am so looking forward to the sleepless nights and the sweet, beautiful smiles from this precious baby. I still can't believe that I will be a mom to a newborn soon! :)
Monday, January 24, 2011
Being a Princess,,,,
I always related too closely to Snow White and Cinderella to have either be my favorite princess. I mean the evil step mother - wicked step sisters - the only thing I missed out on was the 7 Dwarfs - but I guess I could call my friends by those names. I always loved Sleeping Beauty when I was young. Come on, what wasn't to love? She had fairy godmothers - who loved and adored her - parents who would have given her the world - and a kingdom who thought she was the most important person! Now yes evil did strike her - but the fairy godmother's came to her rescue and instead of the evil killing her - it only made her sleep - and let's be honest we could all deal with more sleep - couldn't we? Then she is awakened by a handsome prince, who is her one true love - who has slain the evil and rescued her and they live happily ever after! How sweet! When I was a young teenager, Beauty and the Beast was released. WOW~ my all time favorite princess! Feisty, independent, intelligent, beautiful, loved by her father, and wasn't afraid of life. That's who I wanted to be - Belle! I loved when she found the castle and the "people" there! She wasn't afraid of anything - she viewed it as an adventure - a time to have fun. The only bad part to the entire movie was the fact that it taught little girls that you can tame beasts, and make bad men better - unless you figure into the fact that the Beast, underneath it all, was always a good man, and Gaston was always a bad man and would never have been changed - but that's putting too much thought into a Disney movie.
I guess you're wondering the point - there's not one really. I just started thinking about Princesses - and which one I would have wanted to portray. Sometimes I wish life had been a fairytale - then I would have known that the evil stepmother would have been punished - the evil stepsisters would have gotten what was coming to them - the father really would have truly loved the daughter - and the Prince - well I guess you could say that part of the story came true - because no matter how often my husband upsets me, leaves dirty clothes where they don't belong, falls asleep while we're watching a movie, or doesn't clean the kitchen properly - I know he loves me - and I know he would wrangle the moon and give it to me if I asked him. So I suppose I did get part of the happily ever after ending I was looking for!
I guess you're wondering the point - there's not one really. I just started thinking about Princesses - and which one I would have wanted to portray. Sometimes I wish life had been a fairytale - then I would have known that the evil stepmother would have been punished - the evil stepsisters would have gotten what was coming to them - the father really would have truly loved the daughter - and the Prince - well I guess you could say that part of the story came true - because no matter how often my husband upsets me, leaves dirty clothes where they don't belong, falls asleep while we're watching a movie, or doesn't clean the kitchen properly - I know he loves me - and I know he would wrangle the moon and give it to me if I asked him. So I suppose I did get part of the happily ever after ending I was looking for!
Friday, January 7, 2011
New Year
Hello -
Wow it's been a long time since I've written - I suppose that means that a lot of good stuff has been going on! :)
September/October -- Hubby came home!!! I was so happy to see him and have him back at home with us - it was a good homecoming and we are all very happy that the deployment is behind us. :) We met with the birth mother and her mother, as well as her 1 year old son -- what an amazing and beautiful young woman the birth mother is. I was so impressed by her strength and courage. I am truly blessed to have been introduced to her! While I know the baby isn't due until March - I want to feel a connection with her and the baby - does that make sense? I want her to feel comfortable around us - to want us to raise her child.
My birthday was also in October - it was a good one - my Hubby and daughter took me to dinner, and the zoo - and all while I was wearing a tiara! :) I felt special, needed, loved - it was nice! It didn't hurt that I got diamonds too! :)
November - we learned that we will be adopting a SON!! WOW!!!! How amazing - right? I mean we have a daughter - we've done that - now we will get to raise a son together! I am so extremely amazed and in love!
December - well it's the holidays! Guess what happened? My parents moved to town!! I know it's strange - we have lived without family in the same town as us for 15 years - so now to have family living in the same town is weird!!! But I am optimistic that this will be a good move for all of us! :) Christmas was nice - everyone got what they wanted (especially our daughter). Around New Years we went to visit family back in the home state and while we were there we got to see the birth mother, her son, and her best friend - we also got to see our soon to be son! We were invited to an ultrasound appointment - it was magical!! Extremely amazing! He is so beautiful - even though I can't see everything perfectly - I already know he is beautiful!! I feel so blessed to have his birth mother in our lives - and I hope to continue that friendship and relationship into the future. For New Years we partied with our best friends - and it was great - no stress whatsoever! :)
January - so here we are in January! It's been a good month so far. Of course the stress of knowing the birth is in just 12 weeks (if the mom goes full term) that is a little nerve wracking. I'm a little scared of what the future holds - whether or not the adoption will go through with no complications is a fear - but I am trying to remain optimistic - positive - and encouraged that this baby (who we've already named) will be our son. I don't mind sharing him with his birth family - that's not even a problem for me, in the slightest, so I just hope that everything goes off as scheduled and everyone is happy. My heart is breaking for his birth mother - knowing how difficult this must be for her - but I am so grateful to her and what she is giving us is a pure miracle! :)
Well here goes another year under our belts - and on to 2011!! May this New Year bring us all the joys, wishes, and dreams, we've accumulated over the past years! :)
Wow it's been a long time since I've written - I suppose that means that a lot of good stuff has been going on! :)
September/October -- Hubby came home!!! I was so happy to see him and have him back at home with us - it was a good homecoming and we are all very happy that the deployment is behind us. :) We met with the birth mother and her mother, as well as her 1 year old son -- what an amazing and beautiful young woman the birth mother is. I was so impressed by her strength and courage. I am truly blessed to have been introduced to her! While I know the baby isn't due until March - I want to feel a connection with her and the baby - does that make sense? I want her to feel comfortable around us - to want us to raise her child.
My birthday was also in October - it was a good one - my Hubby and daughter took me to dinner, and the zoo - and all while I was wearing a tiara! :) I felt special, needed, loved - it was nice! It didn't hurt that I got diamonds too! :)
November - we learned that we will be adopting a SON!! WOW!!!! How amazing - right? I mean we have a daughter - we've done that - now we will get to raise a son together! I am so extremely amazed and in love!
December - well it's the holidays! Guess what happened? My parents moved to town!! I know it's strange - we have lived without family in the same town as us for 15 years - so now to have family living in the same town is weird!!! But I am optimistic that this will be a good move for all of us! :) Christmas was nice - everyone got what they wanted (especially our daughter). Around New Years we went to visit family back in the home state and while we were there we got to see the birth mother, her son, and her best friend - we also got to see our soon to be son! We were invited to an ultrasound appointment - it was magical!! Extremely amazing! He is so beautiful - even though I can't see everything perfectly - I already know he is beautiful!! I feel so blessed to have his birth mother in our lives - and I hope to continue that friendship and relationship into the future. For New Years we partied with our best friends - and it was great - no stress whatsoever! :)
January - so here we are in January! It's been a good month so far. Of course the stress of knowing the birth is in just 12 weeks (if the mom goes full term) that is a little nerve wracking. I'm a little scared of what the future holds - whether or not the adoption will go through with no complications is a fear - but I am trying to remain optimistic - positive - and encouraged that this baby (who we've already named) will be our son. I don't mind sharing him with his birth family - that's not even a problem for me, in the slightest, so I just hope that everything goes off as scheduled and everyone is happy. My heart is breaking for his birth mother - knowing how difficult this must be for her - but I am so grateful to her and what she is giving us is a pure miracle! :)
Well here goes another year under our belts - and on to 2011!! May this New Year bring us all the joys, wishes, and dreams, we've accumulated over the past years! :)
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
My Juno
So since the last blog so much has happened. The baby I wrote about in the last blog - well that baby may be our baby in a few months!!! I have contacted the birth mother, her mother, and we will meet with them both and her grandmother in October. They want to meet the three of us and discuss everything. I'm so extremely excited! I wish Kit was here to share in this with me - but only a couple of weeks left.
Well I don't know the sex of the baby - and I don't care. I don't know the father or the mother - and that doesn't bother me - I just want to hold that baby in my arms and know that he or she is all mine - for life! To snuggle and love and care for. I have already started looking at baby stuff - I know it's a little early to look - but I can't help myself. I know a million things can go wrong - but I'm being positive and optimistic about all of this.
Only about a month before I meet the mother - and I can't wait. I've seen pictures of her and her son, who will be 1 this month.
I only hope she fully understands how extremely grateful I am for her sacrifice and that I will love her baby like he or she is my very own. I will raise that baby to be good and loving and kind.
I've already had dreams of holding the baby - smelling the sweet baby smells - holding his or her little hands - tickling his or her little toes. I'm so in love with this baby already!
This is something I've wanted for years and years. To be this close to it - is amazing!!!
I only hope the birth mother knows what a fantastic gift she is giving my family and me. I hope she likes us as much as we will love her baby. I can't wait to find out if it will be a son or a daughter. No matter which, I will love them the same. Going through all the baby things again will be Amazing!
Wish us luck!
Well I don't know the sex of the baby - and I don't care. I don't know the father or the mother - and that doesn't bother me - I just want to hold that baby in my arms and know that he or she is all mine - for life! To snuggle and love and care for. I have already started looking at baby stuff - I know it's a little early to look - but I can't help myself. I know a million things can go wrong - but I'm being positive and optimistic about all of this.
Only about a month before I meet the mother - and I can't wait. I've seen pictures of her and her son, who will be 1 this month.
I only hope she fully understands how extremely grateful I am for her sacrifice and that I will love her baby like he or she is my very own. I will raise that baby to be good and loving and kind.
I've already had dreams of holding the baby - smelling the sweet baby smells - holding his or her little hands - tickling his or her little toes. I'm so in love with this baby already!
This is something I've wanted for years and years. To be this close to it - is amazing!!!
I only hope the birth mother knows what a fantastic gift she is giving my family and me. I hope she likes us as much as we will love her baby. I can't wait to find out if it will be a son or a daughter. No matter which, I will love them the same. Going through all the baby things again will be Amazing!
Wish us luck!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
A Baby
On November 13, 1997 I found out that I was expecting my beautiful baby - Kaitlin. I was ecstatic. I always wanted to be a mom and knowing that I was going to be a mom was amazing. I know I was young - I had just turned 20. I had only been married for 11 months - but I knew that my husband and I were going to be together forever, and I didn't care - I wanted that baby terribly!
On November 10, 2003 I went into the Operating Room to have my uterus removed. It was like a part of me died that day. I had known since 1999/2000 that I would not be able to give birth to another baby - but having the surgery, to remove that part of me, made me feel defective. I was 26 years old - just turned 26 - and I was no longer a woman (in my eyes). I stared at my baby girl, then 5 years old (not so much a baby) and cried and cried. I knew that I would never be able to give her a baby brother or baby sister to enjoy her childhood with. My husband told me that he didn't care that I could no longer have children. He told me that he loved me, which was all that was important. But I wondered if he would leave me, he was only 27, and he wasn't going to be a father again, not with me. In my mind I told myself that he could be a father again, if he left me. But he has stuck by me, loved me, and has been content with just having our daughter.
Now it's 2010 - and my best friend (the same person who introduced me to my husband) called me to tell me that she knew a young lady that was pregnant. This young woman already has a child and now is pregnant with a child that she is considering giving up for adoption. My best friend, my sister in many ways, told this young woman all about my family, and how we would love to raise another baby together, that we would love the baby and be good parents to the baby. First thing my best friend said - "Don't get your hopes up!" Too LATE!
Whether this young woman feels it in her heart to give me her precious baby, or not, I will still want a baby. I crave a baby, that's the only word that I can use to describe the feeling I have, a craving. I see my neighbors and their newborn babies, and toddlers, and I yearn for that feeling of being needed again. I was in Wal-Mart tonight and I walked through the baby section. I couldn't help myself; the baby aisle was calling my name! I would love to be a mommy again - as much as my now 12 year old baby wants to be my baby forever, she's not a baby. She's learning how to cook, turning into a woman, and growing up faster than I can keep up.
I wonder why adoptions are so difficult. Why can't babies that are unwanted be given to good families, without a lot of hassle? I agree with the background check, the home visits, the need to make sure the parents will be good and safe for the baby. But after that, why should it still be so difficult? I would give anything to have a baby in my arms, one I didn't have to give back at the end of the day.
I know what some people are thinking; some have even said it loudly to me. You're almost done; Kaitlin will graduate from high school in 5 years! Which made me think, if I am lucky enough to adopt a baby, that baby will be starting Kindergarten the same year Kaitlin heads off to college! Craziness - right?? But I would not say no if a mom wanted me to love and take care of her baby, and raise that baby like he or she was my own flesh and blood.
Maybe I will get lucky, my hopes are already up, but even if it doesn't happen, this time....at least I have friends and family, who understand my need and yearning, for another child, enough to offer me as a mother to a young woman who is considering giving her baby up. That means the world to me. All the same - I'll keep my fingers crossed!
On November 10, 2003 I went into the Operating Room to have my uterus removed. It was like a part of me died that day. I had known since 1999/2000 that I would not be able to give birth to another baby - but having the surgery, to remove that part of me, made me feel defective. I was 26 years old - just turned 26 - and I was no longer a woman (in my eyes). I stared at my baby girl, then 5 years old (not so much a baby) and cried and cried. I knew that I would never be able to give her a baby brother or baby sister to enjoy her childhood with. My husband told me that he didn't care that I could no longer have children. He told me that he loved me, which was all that was important. But I wondered if he would leave me, he was only 27, and he wasn't going to be a father again, not with me. In my mind I told myself that he could be a father again, if he left me. But he has stuck by me, loved me, and has been content with just having our daughter.
Now it's 2010 - and my best friend (the same person who introduced me to my husband) called me to tell me that she knew a young lady that was pregnant. This young woman already has a child and now is pregnant with a child that she is considering giving up for adoption. My best friend, my sister in many ways, told this young woman all about my family, and how we would love to raise another baby together, that we would love the baby and be good parents to the baby. First thing my best friend said - "Don't get your hopes up!" Too LATE!
Whether this young woman feels it in her heart to give me her precious baby, or not, I will still want a baby. I crave a baby, that's the only word that I can use to describe the feeling I have, a craving. I see my neighbors and their newborn babies, and toddlers, and I yearn for that feeling of being needed again. I was in Wal-Mart tonight and I walked through the baby section. I couldn't help myself; the baby aisle was calling my name! I would love to be a mommy again - as much as my now 12 year old baby wants to be my baby forever, she's not a baby. She's learning how to cook, turning into a woman, and growing up faster than I can keep up.
I wonder why adoptions are so difficult. Why can't babies that are unwanted be given to good families, without a lot of hassle? I agree with the background check, the home visits, the need to make sure the parents will be good and safe for the baby. But after that, why should it still be so difficult? I would give anything to have a baby in my arms, one I didn't have to give back at the end of the day.
I know what some people are thinking; some have even said it loudly to me. You're almost done; Kaitlin will graduate from high school in 5 years! Which made me think, if I am lucky enough to adopt a baby, that baby will be starting Kindergarten the same year Kaitlin heads off to college! Craziness - right?? But I would not say no if a mom wanted me to love and take care of her baby, and raise that baby like he or she was my own flesh and blood.
Maybe I will get lucky, my hopes are already up, but even if it doesn't happen, this time....at least I have friends and family, who understand my need and yearning, for another child, enough to offer me as a mother to a young woman who is considering giving her baby up. That means the world to me. All the same - I'll keep my fingers crossed!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Politics As Usual?
Today I learned that charges against ABD AL-RAHIM AL-NASHIRI have stalled in the military and federal court systems. Abd Al-Rahim Al-Nashiri is the "alleged" master-mind behind the suicide bombing of the USS COLE in Yemen on October 12, 2000. That's right - October 12, 2000 - almost 10 years ago! This was not the first attack on America - but it is now considered a warning shot for the actions taken on September 11, 2001 (not one full year later, in New York, NY; Washington, D.C.; and a field in PA).
Al-Nashiri hasn't even been CHARGED with anything - even though they have fingerprints and receipts that prove his involvement in the bombing!!
This is the 3rd President since the bombing occurred. This attack occurred under President Bill Clinton. It has been stated that he didn't want to act harshly against the attack because it was an Election Year and he wanted his Vice President Al Gore to have a shot at the White House! Al Gore LOST! So George W. Bush became the President - and I will give him the benefit of the doubt when it comes to this case. He was sworn into office in January 2001, and the entire world changed on September 11, 2001 - we entered a war in Afghanistan within months of the attack on 9/11 - and entered a war in Iraq in March 2003. So he had his hands full. Then the election of 2008 came around and a democrat was elected to fill the office of the President - President Barrack Obama - his Attorney General, Eric Holder, has basically stalled all military tribunals against the "alleged" master-minds of not only the USS Cole but also of the 9/11 attacks!
Is this just politics as usual? What is going on? Why is it that President Obama finds it necessary to go to foreign countries and apologize for "America's Behavior". This is an awesome country! This is a country founded on freedoms that most countries could never imagine! We allow people from all races and countries to come to America and continue to practice their religions and ways of life. Many other countries will NEVER allow that to happen in their lands. In many Middle Eastern countries I wouldn't be allowed to write this blog, go shopping by myself, or show my face in public! This is CRAZY (totally my opinion)!
I am not a person who believes that all Muslims want to kill all Americans. Or that Muslims want to take over America and bring forth Sharia Law (scary stuff). However, I do think that too many changes are being made in our country to cow down to the Muslim people. I shouldn't have my rights, as an American, infringed upon for a Muslim! This is not a Muslim country - this is AMERICA! We should have already filed charges against every person, we have in custody, associated with the attacks on the USS Cole and 9/11. But that hasn't happened. I'm disappointed in our country - in our judicial system - in the American's who are not as upset about this as I am. This Administration has bowed to a King, proclaimed Christianity to be dead in America, and has asked for forgiveness for the behavior of America. I do not think we should be looking at the politics behind what it means to charge these individuals - but at what it states against us if we do not! We need to not just press charges against these people, but we need to put them on Military Tribunal - these people were not found in America - they were found by Military missions - a Military Tribunal is the only way to go. To say otherwise is stating that the military is not smart enough to carry out a fair trial! I hope this is not what our President thinks about our men and women in uniform!
Al-Nashiri hasn't even been CHARGED with anything - even though they have fingerprints and receipts that prove his involvement in the bombing!!
This is the 3rd President since the bombing occurred. This attack occurred under President Bill Clinton. It has been stated that he didn't want to act harshly against the attack because it was an Election Year and he wanted his Vice President Al Gore to have a shot at the White House! Al Gore LOST! So George W. Bush became the President - and I will give him the benefit of the doubt when it comes to this case. He was sworn into office in January 2001, and the entire world changed on September 11, 2001 - we entered a war in Afghanistan within months of the attack on 9/11 - and entered a war in Iraq in March 2003. So he had his hands full. Then the election of 2008 came around and a democrat was elected to fill the office of the President - President Barrack Obama - his Attorney General, Eric Holder, has basically stalled all military tribunals against the "alleged" master-minds of not only the USS Cole but also of the 9/11 attacks!
Is this just politics as usual? What is going on? Why is it that President Obama finds it necessary to go to foreign countries and apologize for "America's Behavior". This is an awesome country! This is a country founded on freedoms that most countries could never imagine! We allow people from all races and countries to come to America and continue to practice their religions and ways of life. Many other countries will NEVER allow that to happen in their lands. In many Middle Eastern countries I wouldn't be allowed to write this blog, go shopping by myself, or show my face in public! This is CRAZY (totally my opinion)!
I am not a person who believes that all Muslims want to kill all Americans. Or that Muslims want to take over America and bring forth Sharia Law (scary stuff). However, I do think that too many changes are being made in our country to cow down to the Muslim people. I shouldn't have my rights, as an American, infringed upon for a Muslim! This is not a Muslim country - this is AMERICA! We should have already filed charges against every person, we have in custody, associated with the attacks on the USS Cole and 9/11. But that hasn't happened. I'm disappointed in our country - in our judicial system - in the American's who are not as upset about this as I am. This Administration has bowed to a King, proclaimed Christianity to be dead in America, and has asked for forgiveness for the behavior of America. I do not think we should be looking at the politics behind what it means to charge these individuals - but at what it states against us if we do not! We need to not just press charges against these people, but we need to put them on Military Tribunal - these people were not found in America - they were found by Military missions - a Military Tribunal is the only way to go. To say otherwise is stating that the military is not smart enough to carry out a fair trial! I hope this is not what our President thinks about our men and women in uniform!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
It's been awhile
Hi there~
It's been awhile since I last "blogged" on here. I suppose I just got busy - life gets that way sometimes. Let's see how was the summer?
June - nothing memorable to report about this month - except the fact that my wonderful husband turned 34 years old on the 30th (he's getting old!!) :) Kaitlin finished up school the first couple of weeks of June and we've sat around the house and she has visited her grandparents in Daytona Beach. So nothing too great.
July - We spent July 3- July 10 on the Carnival Dream!! It was amazing! We stopped in Nassau, Bahamas; St. Thomas, USVI; and St. Maarten, visiting both the Dutch and French sides of this island (I prefer the beauty and politeness of the Dutch side). Kaitlin actually celebrated her 12th birthday while out to sea! She thought it as amazing. We spent the week with my mom - which at times was difficult to do. But overall the cruise was amazing and we saw things that we may never have seen in our lives, otherwise - and the food was AMAZING!! The rest of July was spent doing yard work, cleaning the house, watching movies, reading books - nothing as great as the cruise! At this point my husband as been gone since the first week of April and missing him hasn't gotten easier!
August - which brings us to the month that we're in (which is actually ending in a few days). August brought another month of my husband's deployment; a meltdown with the neighbors (a select few)which I could care less about (act your age people); and Kaitlin starting 7th grade!
Now that August is almost over and the count-up (142 days since he left) has turned into the countdown (can't post that on the internet) - I am happy to say that I have survived another 6 month deployment - stronger and more independent than ever before! Of course - let's see if I still feel that way next month when I'm still counting down the days and time has slowed to a standstill!
It's been awhile since I last "blogged" on here. I suppose I just got busy - life gets that way sometimes. Let's see how was the summer?
June - nothing memorable to report about this month - except the fact that my wonderful husband turned 34 years old on the 30th (he's getting old!!) :) Kaitlin finished up school the first couple of weeks of June and we've sat around the house and she has visited her grandparents in Daytona Beach. So nothing too great.
July - We spent July 3- July 10 on the Carnival Dream!! It was amazing! We stopped in Nassau, Bahamas; St. Thomas, USVI; and St. Maarten, visiting both the Dutch and French sides of this island (I prefer the beauty and politeness of the Dutch side). Kaitlin actually celebrated her 12th birthday while out to sea! She thought it as amazing. We spent the week with my mom - which at times was difficult to do. But overall the cruise was amazing and we saw things that we may never have seen in our lives, otherwise - and the food was AMAZING!! The rest of July was spent doing yard work, cleaning the house, watching movies, reading books - nothing as great as the cruise! At this point my husband as been gone since the first week of April and missing him hasn't gotten easier!
August - which brings us to the month that we're in (which is actually ending in a few days). August brought another month of my husband's deployment; a meltdown with the neighbors (a select few)which I could care less about (act your age people); and Kaitlin starting 7th grade!
Now that August is almost over and the count-up (142 days since he left) has turned into the countdown (can't post that on the internet) - I am happy to say that I have survived another 6 month deployment - stronger and more independent than ever before! Of course - let's see if I still feel that way next month when I'm still counting down the days and time has slowed to a standstill!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Being Sick
Okay so being sick is no fun. Being sick and being a "single" mom sucks! I know I'm not a typical "single" mom. Single moms get to date, get to go out and have fun, while this "single" mom still has a ring on her finger - that means she's completely attached to a man FOREVER! But the point to this post is that I'm sick and still a mom and I'm all alone!
I woke up on Mother's Day really sick. My throat hurt so bad I could not swallow or talk! Luckily my daughter is 11 and she can do a lot of things on her own. She was very sweet - she fixed me chocolate chip waffles (Leggo my Eggo!), and scrambled eggs, with Parmesan cheese in them. She also placed a yellow rose on the tray that carried my breakfast to me in bed. Then she sat there while I forced the food down my swollen, sore, raw throat. That's what mom's do, right? We suffer through things so our children will be happy. We ended up watching a movie and taking a nap.
Monday was about the same, couldn't swallow, couldn't talk. As the day progressed it became a little better, although the pressure building in my head became unbearable and so did the stabbing pains in my ears (the right ear was definitely worse). My daughter wanted to play a board game, I wanted to sleep.
Tuesday was a little better, as far as swallowing and talking - but the pressure and pain in the ears was worse. So I called and set up an appointment to go to the doctor, on Wednesday.
Wednesday started off a little better - however, the dizziness, pressure, and pain in the ears was scary painful. Driving to the doctors office I noticed how dizzy I really was and how it was affecting my eyesight as well. I was at the doctor's office for 2 hours. After which I was told that I have a double ear infection and a sinus infection. I'm also missing sinus cavities in my forehead, which may be causing more pain. So on the way home from the doctor's I had to stop by the drug store (30 minute wait) - then the grocery store (we were completely out of milk) - then finally I got to go home and relax....
Okay back to why it sucks being a "single" mom and sick. My daughter is the type that she wants to make you "feel better"! I'm the type of sick person that just wants to be left alone. That causes problems, tension, and hurt feelings. Luckily she is still in school and that allows me to have the day to myself - sleep, rest, relax, and not worry about being happy mom! But then school is over and she depends on me to give her the attention she needs. She also wants to be Miss. Helpful, which can be a bit too much when you're feeling so sick. The pressure built up in my head - as if my head was going to pop! My ears were ringing! The only thing I can think is I really wish my husband was home - he could keep her company and let me rest! She really wants to be helpful, and she would leave me alone if I demanded it, but that is just so wrong! Telling her to stay away from me is heartbreaking, but being super mom while being super sick is difficult.
I suppose the only thing I can do is let her cuddle next to me and watch a movie....isn't that what mom's are supposed to do? Let's just hope these antibiotics kick in quickly and the road to recovery is speedy!
Here's to getting back to normal and feeling better!
I woke up on Mother's Day really sick. My throat hurt so bad I could not swallow or talk! Luckily my daughter is 11 and she can do a lot of things on her own. She was very sweet - she fixed me chocolate chip waffles (Leggo my Eggo!), and scrambled eggs, with Parmesan cheese in them. She also placed a yellow rose on the tray that carried my breakfast to me in bed. Then she sat there while I forced the food down my swollen, sore, raw throat. That's what mom's do, right? We suffer through things so our children will be happy. We ended up watching a movie and taking a nap.
Monday was about the same, couldn't swallow, couldn't talk. As the day progressed it became a little better, although the pressure building in my head became unbearable and so did the stabbing pains in my ears (the right ear was definitely worse). My daughter wanted to play a board game, I wanted to sleep.
Tuesday was a little better, as far as swallowing and talking - but the pressure and pain in the ears was worse. So I called and set up an appointment to go to the doctor, on Wednesday.
Wednesday started off a little better - however, the dizziness, pressure, and pain in the ears was scary painful. Driving to the doctors office I noticed how dizzy I really was and how it was affecting my eyesight as well. I was at the doctor's office for 2 hours. After which I was told that I have a double ear infection and a sinus infection. I'm also missing sinus cavities in my forehead, which may be causing more pain. So on the way home from the doctor's I had to stop by the drug store (30 minute wait) - then the grocery store (we were completely out of milk) - then finally I got to go home and relax....
Okay back to why it sucks being a "single" mom and sick. My daughter is the type that she wants to make you "feel better"! I'm the type of sick person that just wants to be left alone. That causes problems, tension, and hurt feelings. Luckily she is still in school and that allows me to have the day to myself - sleep, rest, relax, and not worry about being happy mom! But then school is over and she depends on me to give her the attention she needs. She also wants to be Miss. Helpful, which can be a bit too much when you're feeling so sick. The pressure built up in my head - as if my head was going to pop! My ears were ringing! The only thing I can think is I really wish my husband was home - he could keep her company and let me rest! She really wants to be helpful, and she would leave me alone if I demanded it, but that is just so wrong! Telling her to stay away from me is heartbreaking, but being super mom while being super sick is difficult.
I suppose the only thing I can do is let her cuddle next to me and watch a movie....isn't that what mom's are supposed to do? Let's just hope these antibiotics kick in quickly and the road to recovery is speedy!
Here's to getting back to normal and feeling better!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
"Grandpa Tell me 'Bout the Good Ole Days"
Today I am reminded of this Judd's tune - "Grandpa (Tell me 'Bout the Good Ole Days)":
Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good ole days.
Sometimes it feels like
This world's gone crazy.
Grandpa, take me back to yesterday,
Where the line between right and wrong
Didn't seem so hazy.
Did lovers really fall in love to stay?
Stand beside each other come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept,
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray?
Did daddies really never go away?
Whoa oh Grandpa,
Tell me 'bout the good ole days.
musical interlude
Grandpa, everything is changing fast.
We call it progress,
But I just don't know.
And Grandpa, let's wonder back into the past,
And paint me a picture of long ago.
Did lovers really fall in love to stay?
Stand beside each other come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept,
Not just something they would say and then forget?
Did families really bow their heads to pray?
Did daddies really never go away?
Whoa oh Grandpa,
Tell me 'bout the good ole days.
Whoa oh Grandpa,
Tell me 'bout the good ole days.
I love this song - makes me miss my Pawpaw Bud so much - but he was my favorite person!!
Day 37 almost over....
Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good ole days.
Sometimes it feels like
This world's gone crazy.
Grandpa, take me back to yesterday,
Where the line between right and wrong
Didn't seem so hazy.
Did lovers really fall in love to stay?
Stand beside each other come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept,
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray?
Did daddies really never go away?
Whoa oh Grandpa,
Tell me 'bout the good ole days.
musical interlude
Grandpa, everything is changing fast.
We call it progress,
But I just don't know.
And Grandpa, let's wonder back into the past,
And paint me a picture of long ago.
Did lovers really fall in love to stay?
Stand beside each other come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept,
Not just something they would say and then forget?
Did families really bow their heads to pray?
Did daddies really never go away?
Whoa oh Grandpa,
Tell me 'bout the good ole days.
Whoa oh Grandpa,
Tell me 'bout the good ole days.
I love this song - makes me miss my Pawpaw Bud so much - but he was my favorite person!!
Day 37 almost over....
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Paranoid Navy Wife
So first let me explain my title. I am a PROUD Navy wife. My husband has been active duty in the United States Navy for 14 years! I have been his wife for 13 of those years and we've been together for over 14 years. I have seen him sworn into the Navy three times now, first time before he left for boot camp and he has re-enlisted two times since that day. I have said goodbye to him three times, before he left on long deployments, and countless times for different short deployments, schools, and other orders he had to follow.
Paranoid - my whole life, I have had someone, who burst my happiness bubble. Some have been blood related to me, some have been related by marriage, and most have just been total strangers really.
The only thing I'm not paranoid about is my marriage. I have a good marriage, an honest husband, and a loving daughter.
Big things I'm paranoid about. Dying in a car crash. I was in a really bad car accident when I was 19, and newly married. I could have died, and so now I am paranoid that it will happen. Dying in a plane crash - since 9/11 that scares me even more. I'm paranoid of snakes jumping out and getting me! I know crazy - right? I'm paranoid that people are always judging me, whether or not I am fat, ugly, what my clothes look like, how my hair looks, whether or not my tattoos are okay - paranoid of being judged about any and everything.
So I am starting this blog as way to post my feelings, frustrations, and paranoid obsessions. Maybe someone out there can help me overcome some of my paranoia - or they can just get a laugh out of my over-reactions! Either way, I'll get to get my feelings out and you'll get to read about it.
I am on day 36 of a long deployment - my husband will return in a few months. Since I waved goodbye to him and his ship, I have become even more paranoid. So look forward to the paranoid rantings of a depressed and deprived Navy wife!
Have a good Monday~
Paranoid - my whole life, I have had someone, who burst my happiness bubble. Some have been blood related to me, some have been related by marriage, and most have just been total strangers really.
The only thing I'm not paranoid about is my marriage. I have a good marriage, an honest husband, and a loving daughter.
Big things I'm paranoid about. Dying in a car crash. I was in a really bad car accident when I was 19, and newly married. I could have died, and so now I am paranoid that it will happen. Dying in a plane crash - since 9/11 that scares me even more. I'm paranoid of snakes jumping out and getting me! I know crazy - right? I'm paranoid that people are always judging me, whether or not I am fat, ugly, what my clothes look like, how my hair looks, whether or not my tattoos are okay - paranoid of being judged about any and everything.
So I am starting this blog as way to post my feelings, frustrations, and paranoid obsessions. Maybe someone out there can help me overcome some of my paranoia - or they can just get a laugh out of my over-reactions! Either way, I'll get to get my feelings out and you'll get to read about it.
I am on day 36 of a long deployment - my husband will return in a few months. Since I waved goodbye to him and his ship, I have become even more paranoid. So look forward to the paranoid rantings of a depressed and deprived Navy wife!
Have a good Monday~
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