The ups and downs of Adoption

One of the best days of my life, March 24th, was also the start to one of the most stressful journey's of my life! My son was born that day. His birth mom gave him to me to be his forever mommy. I was so excited and happy and felt so amazing that day. Then the goodbye came - the day we left the hospital and the birth mom said goodbye to her biological son. Since that day it's been stressful -- the birth mom calls to check up on him, she texts, she Facebooked. It became so much drama around the entire situation. I heard so many negative things about her and found out she could lose custody of her first child. I also learned she is back with my son's biological father - a man I've been warned is a bad. The birth mom wants to marry this man - and that scares me. I feel like I could scream about all of the drama surrounding this happy moment in my life.

Then I come to the realization that when my son's birth mom gets her yearly visit with him, she will insist on her fiance, the birth father, to be there at the visit. However, I disagree with that. He had the chance to be a part of this process, to get the same updates, pictures, and visits, but he wanted nothing to do with any of it. He signed away all of his rights in this matter. Then I worry that I will be judged by my son one day for not doing enough. For not allowing his birth father the opportunity to meet him. Then other people tell me that I should not allow the visits - I should let my son make his own decision when he is grown.

I can withhold my son from his biological parents. Legally I have that right. I have the right to show that it would not be in the best interest of my son to get to know his biological parents. But that breaks my heart. I made promises to his birth mom and to my son. I promised my son that I would love him and make sure he knew how much he was loved by his biological family. I feel sad - depressed - confused - angry - I wish I just knew all the answers to this.

I think what we will have to do is meet with the birth mom and the birth father, without our son, and set up rules and boundaries. This way we know what will happen when they see our little boy for the first time. I want them to see our baby - to see how happy and healthy he is. To be proud of the decision to give him up. If I allow them the right to see him, then perhaps some of the drama will disappear in all of this. I just hope that I am smart enough to make the right decision and strong enough to stick with it. For the sake of my son, and his future questions, I hope we can all work together and learn to live without the drama.